Chronicles of a Corps Member: Day 4

Hey D!

This episode came late, for obvious reasons.
Nothing! Absolutely nothing you do at home will prepare you for 3 weeks of going to bed at 10pm and waking at 3am and I never hespererit.

The party was a giant disaster by the way, kicked off late and the soldiers still came to send us to bed at 10. Who leaves a night party at 10pm?

I once told you of the good thing about the white shirt and shorts we wear, now here's the worst thing about it. Wait for it!

It's practically impossible to hide an erection in these shorts. You either sit in one place and wait for the "young man" to cool down or you start walking funny tryna put your third leg in between you two legs. I shuffled between the two styles to save my honor.

I created something good out of the disaster, knocked down a few bottles at the bar with my goons and did some dirty dancing with the gyal dem.

Tomorrow is Sunday or "Sane day" like I call it as it's the only day we wake up when we like and do as we please until 4pm when our slave masters resume their tyranny.

I'll be catching up on episodes of my favorite series and clearing my mails. See you Monday, fam.
Ciao

Chronicles of a Corps Member: Day 3

Today is the day we can officially be referred to as National Youth Service Corps Members because it's Swearing In Day. All the drills and parade routines we practiced was for this day.
We looked good in our khaki get up! (Please zoom in on exhibit A above)

For being a nice dude on the first day, some platoon member gifted me a tin of milk, lady of course.

The FCT Minister was invited and it was a pretty big deal. We got punished for making fun of the minister's hausa accent during the "repeat after me"
You know how northerners put "kwo?" at the end of questions.

There's a line in the Youth Corp anthem that says "under the sun and in the rain"
It was just lyric to me until it started raining after the parade. Shit got real so fast, they made us sit in the downpour and then the sun came and our clothes dried on our bodies. Camp will be fun they said!

My platoon is on duty tomorrow, which means we gotta cook for the entire camp. We apologize in advance.

Say what you like about the Service Corps, but I think the aim is being achieved. The stereotypes I used to have about the Northerners, I now realize how silly they were.

Night party tomorrow, can't wait! Gotta rock the gyal dem!!

Chronicles of a Corps Member: Day 2

Hey D,
D! Can I call you that?  I feel our relationship has evolved beyond this official nonsense.

I think these soldiers are mad at us for getting an education and graduating or I'm just a weak pussy,  at least I wasn't part of the 5 people who fainted during drills today. The Red cross had a field day!

Just day 2 and I've been called more names than when my neighbour caught me with her daughter. Otondo, white fowl, Unbeliever, Elede, Babalawo, Uncircumcised and these are the nice ones.

I made a few friends. Met an Hausa boy, let's call him Otio. Otio has one of those noses that consumes half the oxygen in the room. Boy had so much scars on his back, I was curious and asked about it, he told me at home, every Friday is "Whip day" and his father beats them just in case they had done something he didn't know of during the week. He smiles a lot for someone going through so much abuse at home and I liked that about him.

My friend Josh who lives in Abuja and served in stream 1 dropped by the camp to see me. We had lunch at Mammy and he said he liked the previous post so I'll try to keep up.

Babes, babes, babes. There's a girl I call Sugar... Wait, Soldiers are here, it's Lights out. Tomorrow man. Bye

Chronicles of a Corps Member : Day 1

Dear Diary,

First off, I wanna say God bless the soul that thought it wise to make white bump shorts the main camp clothing. White shorts have an unusual way making these girls assess look more attractive. Okay snap out of it!

I was made Platoon leader by default and I don't know if it's cos I was early or my dentition and trademark corner smile blew the female officer away. I like to think it's the latter.

Being a leader comes naturally to me, so I wore that Prada suit like the devil. Everything is so godamn expensive here, rip offs everywhere.

I had to be in charge of registering my platoon members and I have to say Hausa girls are the finest women the world is yet to see. Igbo girls are overrated tbh.
(forefinger pointing to the sky)
Insha Allah, I must give pesin pikin belle before I comot for this Abuja walahi.

Gotta sleep man, these soldiers promised to give us hell at the parade ground tomorrow. And please ignore those morons tryna start a family on a #19,800 salary

Game of Thrones, Season 7 Episode 2: Stormborn Review

Yes! Episode Stormborn kicks off with a bang, literally.  There was some steamy sex scene and HBO finally gives us our weekly dose of succulent breasts and rounded bottoms. We'll get to that in a few lines.

QUEEN DAENARYS ACCUSING VARYS

Daenerys hatches her plan to take the Iron Throne along with Olenna Tyrell, Euralia Martell and Yara Greyjoy. She briefly accuses Varys the Eunuch of being a snake which he swiftly finesses his way out of with the fine words "I CHOSE YOU, MY QUEEN"

The Red Priestess, Melisandre who served Stannis Baratheon arrives Dragon Stone with a prophecy on her lips "It is a long night, only the prince that was promised can bring the dawn" She hints at Dana and Jon being very instrumental in bringing light to Westeros.

Dany hears of Jon's exploits in the North and invites him to come over to Dragon Stone so they could both hangout, watch some movies, talk shop and oh yeah, Bend The Knee!

MISANDE AND GREY WORM ABOUT TO GET FRISKY

You have to applaud Tyrion's battle Master plan as both strategic and genius.  As part of the battle plans, the unsullied army have to travel to Casterly Rock. An upset Misande goes to see Grey Worm and they confirm all the sexual chemistry we've seen from these two. Grey Worm pours out his heart like a child, referring to her as his weakness. Kisses her awkwardly, She gets naked and they make sweet love.

It seems our favorite fatso, Sam Tarly may have found a cure to Ser Jorah's greyscale infection. Although crude, gross, and painful, it's the only shot we've got at seeing the might of Ser Jorah in Daenerys' ranks once again.

There has never been a tougher time to be King of the North and Jon Snow is once again caught in the web making the seemingly right decision that displeases everyone, even the fiery Lady Lyanna Mormont. The decision to ride for Dragon Stone at the behest of a Lannister and bend a knee to a Tygarean in exchange for Dragon glass, Dragon fire and a large army. Ned Stark's bastard proves his exceptional leadership abilities to us once again.

LORD BAELISH WITH THAT DEVIL SMILE

Jon's sojourn to the Mother of Dragons leaves control of the North in the hands of dumbo the Oldest Stark, Sansa which to be honest is a sucker move. Lord Baelish thinks this is an opportunity to worm his way into Jon's heart and Sansa's bed but meets a choke slam and death threat from king Jon.

HERE LIETH THE FACE OF THE MAN WHO HATH NO BALLS

Euron Greyjoy returns as promised with the largest fleet of ships ever and attacks the Donnish-Greyjoy ship army destroying all their ships, killing the donnish first daughters and captures her Queen. The battle climaxes when Euron faces off with Yara, he overpowers her and holds her hostage, leaving Theon to redeem himself and save the day, but he panics in the face of carnage and jumps into the sea. Well, we didn't expect much from  a man with no balls testicles

ARYA MEETS HER DIREWOLF, NYMERIA 

Arya on her way back to the North reunites with her direwolf, Nymeria but he turns his back on her! Does this predict further doom for House Stark??

Things to look out for in the coming episodes:

• Jon's meeting with the Mad King's Daughter 
• Euron Greyjoy alliance with Queen Cersei 
• Sansa ruling the North in Jon's stead
• Some more lovemaking from Greyworm and Misande 
• Arya's reunion with Sansa
• Ser Jorah back to full health 

Game Of Thrones, Season 7 Episode 1: DragonStone Review

WINTER IS HERE

The year long wait is finally over and it was totally worth it. The first episode will leave you astounded right from the first scene! So the girl who hath no name Arya Stark "became" Walder Frey and murdered all the men who had a hand in killing members of the Stark family. The North remembers!

The strategy meeting at Winterfell with all Jon's bannermen for the war against the dead blesses us with another glimpse of the fiery 10 year-old Lady Lyanna Mormont as she shuts down Lord Glover's attempt to stop girls from training for the War (If Lyanna Mormont had just one dragon, this war would be over in 2 episodes. lol)

Sansa stark who has been nothing but useless and annoying sweet and innocent since Season 1 suddenly becomes a War Strategy expert and begins to question Jon Snow's decisions in the meeting, he promptly shuts her down as it should be.

The Night king is marching to the wall with his Army of the dead and there are Giants in his ranks and you have to feel sorry for their opponents. Bran and Meera have made their way to the Ice wall and declared their identities. 

CERSEI AND JAIMES AT KING'S LANDING

Queen's Cersei is deluded as she still thinks she's "Queen of the 7 kingdoms" but Ser Jaimes Lannister is quick to remind her that they have control over just 3 kingdoms at best. King's Landing has enemies to the East, the South, the West and the North and and one potential ally, The Ironborn who wants Queen Cersei for a wife before he gives her his fleet of ships.

At the Citadel, Sam the fatso is studying with the Maesters to find a way to defeat the White Walkers and he finally reads about a Mountain of dragon glass beneath the ground at Dragon Stone. Jon needs to know about this! 

It's surprising that with all the wisdom of the Maesters, they would know that beans is a laxative and try to switch up their diet but No!  All they eat is beans...and guess whose job it is to take care of their feaces. Poor Old Sam Tarly

And Yes! Ed Sheeran made a guest appearance, even though he only got two sentences out (besides his singing) and was just sitting there like "Shape of You"at the top of the UK charts for 6 weeks. But damn! That man can sing.

Ser Sandor Clegane's association with the Brotherhood without Banners makes us see an emotional side to the Hound. They are headed to the Night's Watch to help the Wall against the White Walkers. Will these agents of the Lord of Light have a role to play in vanquishing the "Wights"?

DAENERYS STORMBORN AT DRAGONSTONE

Daenerys Stomborn's army finally arrives at Dragon Stone and her Dragons are a beautiful sight to behold! Dany has an emotional homecoming and we see her walking through the dank, deserted halls of the castle Stannis abandoned. She pulls down the Baratheon banner hanging in the throne room and then walks to the model of the Seven Kingdoms, her silence all through is deafening! until she says "Shall We Begin?"  Yes! let us begin!!

Things to look out for in the coming episodes:

• Jon's quest to find the Dragon Glass stash at Dragonstone and a potential "clash" with Daenerys
• Arya Stark's mission to kill the Queen
• Queen Cersei's alliance with the Ironborn
• Daenerys Stomborn's plan of attack on King's Landing