Lagos, the land of dreams, hope and opportunities.
We come here with lungs so clean and pure and go back with
lungs no different from a smoker’s because of all that fume in traffic.
You know those three chiefs in white robes at the entrance
of the state? I feel like they are saying
“Welcome to Lagos, a mentally disturbed person will be with
you shortly”
Even though I was born here, I never quite understood the
concept of 5 Oshodi Bus stops; Oshodi Under bridge, Oshodi Isale, Oshodi Oke,
Oshodi Along and Oshodi Express.
One day, My Aunt asked me to come to her flat in Oshodi to
pick up a package, I entered an Oshodi-bound bus from Ikotun and the conductor was
like
“Yellow, where you dey go? Under bridge, Express or Along”
God, what is this na?
I was thinking about this beautiful state on my way back
from work and I decided to play a numbers game. Stay with me, Shall we?
4/10 – That’s the probability of entering a Danfo in Lagos and
the door falls off mid-journey
8/10 – That’s the probability of you displaying some level
of madness to get your change from the
conductor
9/10- That’s the probability of the driver going past your
bus-stop. It doesn’t matter how many times you scream “OWA”
6/10 – That’s the probability that the passenger sitting
next to you will peer in to your phone like they know your whatsapp contacts or
something.
As a personal treat, I just turn on my front camera, so they
can see their nose in other people’s business
8/10 – That’s the probability that you’ll share the seat
with someone who’s twice your size but would pay for one seat. Now you have to
shrink your bones to stay alive for the trip.
8/10 – That’s the probability that the first conversation
with your new seat partner would be “Please, are you giving him change?”
5/10- That’s the probability that at some point you’ll have
to come down from the bus and complete your journey on foot because Lagos
traffic is engineered in the darkest depths of hell
“Come to Lagos, you have skills, you’ll make more money”
they said
They didn’t lie though, but they didn’t add “You’ll have to
trade a little bit of your sanity”
And if you live in Lagos and can’t relate to this, I envy
you.
And if you live in small quiet town, making a honest living
and nursing dreams of coming to Lagos.
Please stop, stop right there!
LAGOS DON
FULL!
